i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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