Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
