1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
