She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
