Are we in a gay sports bar?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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