Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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