but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
