There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
