someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
