dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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