he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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