Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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