I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
