Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You work out of a Hotel?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
