Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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