Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
