Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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