you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
