fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
