I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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