Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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