so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
