I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
