She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
