Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
