you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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