How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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