Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
