yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
