Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
