im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
