he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
