i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
