Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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