He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
