I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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