dude i'm inner monologue high
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
