Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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