she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
soo... how was my night?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
