Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
