Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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