So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
