Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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