It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
