Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
