Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
