i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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