He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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