So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I would ride that face into the sunset
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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