I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
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Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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