My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
