I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
