I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
