Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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