You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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