The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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