You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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