I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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