This girl is more easily done than said...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
