I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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