When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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