I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
