I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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